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I was exactly where you are. A stay at home parent taking care of the baby, the dogs and the house. My husband was gone from sun up until sun down leaving me to take care of the rest. It was 2016 and I had just had my first baby and was home on maternity leave with a plan of taking the first year off to bond with our baby. We owned a home, had three dogs, two cars and all the work that went along with it. What I thought would be a manageable day to day existence for myself quickly went sideways with a colicky baby. He did not sleep more than 20 minutes at a time. For months. On end. So, when I pulled up my big girl pants and told my husband I needed more help and for him to be around more, I was blindsided with him saying this isn’t the life he wanted and he was leaving. Excuse me? What about our plans? Everything we built together, dreamt about, talked about? Suddenly I found myself needing to go to work, find a daycare, and figure out our living arrangements. It was overwhelming. But I did it one step at a time, and I know you can, too.

If this story sounds familiar, you’re in the right place. It is not easy to figure out all your steps at once, so take it one at a time. Just a warning, it can be a slow process. Especially if you need to save up some funds if your husband never gave you access. Stay-at-home parents often put their careers on hold to focus on raising their children and supporting their spouse’s professional journey. Now, you face the challenge of rebuilding your life while providing for themselves and your children.

I have gone ahead and broken your steps down into categories for you.

Financial Preparation for Divorce
Being financially prepared can help you navigate challenges more effectively during the divorce process. Start by gathering essential documents to assess your financial situation, including:

• Bank statements and financial records
• Credit card and loan statements
• Children's bank account details
• Employment records
• Income tax returns
• Investment account statements
• Paycheck stubs and W-2 forms
• Pension plan details
• Retirement account information
• Social Security statements
• Wills and trust documents

Organizing these records will provide a clearer picture of your financial standing and help you plan for the future.

The court may request that you complete a financial disclosure form or net worth statement to provide a comprehensive view of your current financial situation. Your legal team will require a detailed list of your assets, including:

• Bank accounts
• Real estate properties
• Investments
• Vehicles
• Personal belongings

In addition, you’ll need to identify any debts or liabilities, such as your mortgage, credit card balances, or other outstanding loans.

Managing Finances After Divorce
Adjusting to financial independence after divorce can be particularly challenging for stay-at-home parents. Transitioning from a dual-income to a single-income household requires strategic planning. These tips can help you navigate your new financial reality:

• Create a Budget: Develop a clear budget to track your income and expenses. Consider your new financial situation, including child support or alimony payments. Regularly review and adjust your spending to stay within your means.

• Build an Emergency Fund: Establish a safety net by saving three to six months’ worth of living expenses. This fund can provide security and help cover unexpected costs or emergencies.

• Review and Adjust Insurance Coverage: Reevaluate your health, life, and disability insurance after divorce. Ensure adequate coverage for yourself and your children, and update beneficiaries as needed.

• Understand Child Support and Spousal Support: These payments are critical for financial stability. Child support helps cover your children's needs, while alimony, or spousal support, can assist in maintaining a reasonable standard of living.

Before agreeing to any financial arrangements, familiarize yourself with the laws and guidelines in your area. Collaborate with your family law attorney to ensure the calculations align with your financial needs and protect your rights.

Legal Rights
Stay-at-home parents going through a divorce have legal rights that must be safeguarded. Without proper legal representation, there’s a risk of receiving inadequate support payments or facing unfavorable custody arrangements. Key legal rights include:

• Child Custody: Courts prioritize the child’s best interests in custody decisions. If a stay-at-home parent has been the primary caregiver and can demonstrate a stable and nurturing environment, she may have an advantage in securing primary physical custody.

• Child Support: When stay-at-home parents are granted primary custody, they are generally entitled to child support from the non-custodial parent. This financial assistance helps cover essential needs like housing, education, healthcare, and overall welfare for the children.

• Spousal Support: Alimony, or spousal support, is often awarded when there’s a significant income disparity between spouses. Its purpose is to provide financial assistance, allowing the dependent spouse to maintain a similar standard of living post-divorce.

• Property Division: Marital property, including assets and debts acquired during the marriage, is subject to equitable distribution. Contributions as homemakers and caregivers are recognized as valuable, and courts consider these contributions when dividing property to ensure a fair outcome.

Legal representation is crucial for stay-at-home parents during divorce proceedings to protect their rights and secure appropriate support and entitlements. A knowledgeable family law attorney can guide you through the process, advocate for your needs, and help you navigate these complex legal matters.

Wondering how to afford an attorney if you have no access to income? First, open your own checking account in your name. Any amount of money coming to you goes in there, no matter how big or small. Sell unused clothes and toys on Facebook marketplace, get a side hustle and put the pay in there, have friends or family loan you money and it goes straight to your account only. Other ideas include asking lawyers for payment plans, asking for the fees to be reduced from assets, seeking out free or reduced legal services, to name a few. Hopefully some of these ideas will get you started!

Child Custody and Parenting Agreements

If you’re a stay-at-home parent seeking a fair custody arrangement, it’s important to understand the laws in your area and always keep your child’s best interests at heart. Work with your co-parent to create a parenting agreement that covers everything from daily schedules to holidays. If you hit roadblocks, don’t hesitate to explore mediation or alternative ways to resolve disputes—it can make all the difference in keeping things focused on what’s best for your kids.

When Should You Hire a Divorce Lawyer?
Sometimes, a co-parent isn’t cooperative after a divorce. If your ex fails to pay child support, follow custody agreements, or comply with court orders, it might be time to seek legal help from a divorce attorney.

An experienced women’s divorce attorney can walk you through the legal process, explain your rights, and build a strong case to protect your parental rights.

Supporting Your Children Through Divorce
As a stay-at-home parent, you play a vital role in helping your children navigate the emotional challenges of divorce.

When talking to your kids about divorce, create a safe, open space for them to share their feelings. Children often process a wide range of emotions during this time, and it’s essential to let them express themselves without fear.

Divorce can bring uncertainty into your home, so be sure to use age-appropriate language to explain what’s happening. Reassure your children that they are deeply loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Keep routines consistent, and consider enlisting the support of a therapist to help them process their emotions.

The Role of Co-Parenting
Co-parenting is one of the most effective ways to minimize the negative impact of divorce on children. Collaborating with your ex-spouse creates a sense of stability and security for your kids.

Here are a few co-parenting tips to keep in mind:

• Communicate with your co-parent about parenting decisions to prevent misunderstandings.
• Strive for consistency, especially on significant matters, even if your parenting styles differ.
• Never involve your child in arguments or disagreements with your ex.
• Always prioritize your children’s needs above all else.

Your kids look to you for comfort, stability, and guidance. By maintaining a loving environment, encouraging open communication, and seeking professional help when needed, you can help them adjust to this new chapter with resilience and confidence.

Emotional Support for Stay-at-Home parents After Divorce

Divorce is stressful for everyone involved, but as a stay-at-home parent, it can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders—especially when it comes to finances and childcare. Taking care of your emotional health is key to navigating this time and protecting your well-being. Here are some strategies to help you cope with the emotional challenges:

Make Time for Self-Care
I know this sounds ridiculous. Taking care of your kids is a top priority, but don’t forget that your well-being matters, too. Finding time to do things that bring you joy and help you recharge is essential. Here are a few ideas to get started:

• Move your body with exercise to stay healthy and release stress.
• Try meditating to clear your mind and find a sense of calm.
• Revisit hobbies you love or explore something new that sparks excitement.
• Spend time outdoors to connect with nature and reset your energy.

A little self-care can go a long way in supporting your mental health and giving you the strength to tackle the challenges of being a stay-at-home parent. Don’t hesitate to take that time—you deserve it!

Explore Professional Counseling or Therapy
Divorce can bring intense emotions, and it’s okay to seek help if you’re feeling overwhelmed and at a loss for how to process all the emotions you’re experiencing. A therapist can help you develop healthy coping strategies. It’s also a good place to discover how your childhood formed you and led you to the relationship you are in and leaving, while also helping you prevent making the same mistake in the future. Doing the work to truly discover yourself is worth every penny and will save you from countless bad choices in the future. 

Build a Support Network
As a stay-at-home parent, it’s easy to feel isolated. Reaching out to others who understand what you’re going through can make a big difference. Lean on friends, family, or support groups to share your experiences and gain encouragement.

If you’re looking for connections with other stay-at-home parents navigating similar challenges, explore online forums, community organizations, or local support groups. Having a trusted support system gives you a safe space to express your emotions and feel heard. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone.

Understanding Your Emotions
As a stay-at-home parent, divorce can bring up a mix of emotions—regret, anger, sadness, and more. Let yourself feel these emotions without judgment. Writing in a journal can be a healthy way to process your thoughts and reflect on your journey. Acknowledging what you’re feeling is a vital step toward healing and growth.

It’s also important to choose healthy coping mechanisms. While it might feel tempting to turn to things like alcohol, sex. or other quick fixes, these can lead to more problems. Instead, focus on positive outlets like writing, exercising, or meditating. These activities can help you release stress and gain clarity as you move forward.

Rebuilding After Divorce
Once the dust settles and the divorce is final, it’s time to focus on creating a new chapter in your life. This is your opportunity to explore what’s next and rebuild in a way that feels authentic and empowering.

Rebuild Your Credit
Many newly divorced parents find their credit score isn’t where they’d like it to be. Whether it’s due to shared debts or not having a credit history in your own name, now is the time to start improving it. A strong credit score opens doors, making it easier to rent a home, secure loans, or even land a job.

Consider Downsizing
If you’re responsible for the family home, take a hard look at whether it fits your new financial reality. From the mortgage and taxes to upkeep and utilities, owning a home can be costly. Downsizing might be a smarter and more manageable option as you rebuild your life.

Explore Career Opportunities
If you’re thinking about rejoining the workforce or starting a new career, consider your passions and strengths. Update your resume and connect with professionals who can help you find opportunities.

This is also a great time to learn new skills or build on existing ones. With online courses, vocational programs, and workshops, you have access to tools that can set you up for success.

Rediscover Yourself
Divorce is not just an ending—it’s also a beginning. Take time to rediscover the hobbies, interests, and goals you may have set aside. Focus on personal growth and fulfillment. Whether it’s learning something new or pursuing a passion project, this is your chance to redefine yourself.

Embrace Your New Path
Rebuilding after divorce can feel overwhelming, but every small step brings you closer to a brighter future. With patience and determination, you can create a stable and fulfilling life for yourself and your children. This is your time to grow, heal, and thrive.